Happy Birthday James!
by sreduaram
Summary: In the days leading up to James' birthday, Sirius and Remus are acting a bit strange. James does everything he can to work out what, exactly, it is they are hiding.


James Potter was confused. His friends Remus and Sirius had been acting extremely strange lately. It was as though they were hiding something very important from him. He was not happy as this was against The Marauder Code. The Marauder Code states that nothing can be kept from the other Marauders under penalty of death by jelly legs. No exceptions. They were breaking the Marauder code, and in doing so were excluding James. And thus, he was going to find out exactly what they were hiding.

On Thursday morning as James, Peter, Sirius and Remus made their way to charms, James noticed something. Sirius and Remus were whispering between themselves, occasionally stopping and glancing at James. James scowled at them. He didn't like being looked at, unless a certain Lily Evans was doing the looking. After scowling at them for a few moments, James turned to Peter.

'Hey Wormy, what do you reckon they're up to?' James asked curiously. Peter was good at listening in on conversations, and James figured he had a chance of knowing what was going on. Peter shrugged.

'I wouldn't worry about it. Obviously they're not ready to tell you yet,' he replied and James frowned. From Peter's answer, James concluded that he knew more than he was letting on. James was not happy about this at all, and gave them all the silent treatment throughout Charms. However, Sirius and Remus didn't notice, having been too engrossed in their whispered discussion. They were obviously up to something.

James wandered down to lunch with Peter after a particularly boring Potions lesson, during which there were muffled sniggers from Remus and what sounded suspiciously like girly giggles from Sirius. Sirius and Remus had darted off as soon as the lesson finished, muttering something about having some business to attend to. James threw an annoyed glare in their direction as they walked out the door, but they didn't notice.

James and Peter were nearly at the hall and were passing a broom closet, when the door opened and a laughing Sirius fell out. Thinking he had been in there with a girl, James thought nothing of it. Until there was a loud crash and Remus tumbled out after him. James stared at them with his mouth open. What on earth were they doing together in a broom closet?

Once Sirius spotted James and Peter watching them incredulously, he cleared his throat and kicked Remus, who'd been laughing hard and hadn't realised they were standing there. As soon as Remus noticed who it was, he cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair nervously.

'Prongs, Wormy! How you doing?' Sirius exclaimed suddenly, trying to cover the awkward silence that followed them falling from the closet. James narrowed his eyes in confusion.

'Um, Padfoot, what were you doing in there?' he asked. Sirius laughed awkwardly and Remus appeared to be trying to disappear, slowly walking backwards into the shadows.

'Well, about that...' Sirius started, laughing nervously, his eyes darting around as he ran his hand through his shaggy black hair, 'You see, we were uh – RUN MOONY!'

Sirius and Remus then sprinted down the corridor, leaving a flabbergasted James and a frowning Peter behind them. James shook his head in disbelief before heading towards lunch. He'd try to decipher what had just happened after he had some food in his stomach.

After the last class of the day, James made his way up to his dormitory, looking for Sirius and Remus. They'd been missing for quite some time. Something was definitely up.

He reached the door and tried to turn it, but to his annoyance it was locked. The only time it was ever locked was when Sirius had a girl in there. Annoyed, James banged on the door.

'Sirius, let me in!'

There was a sound of people moving around, a rustling of some sort and hurried whispers before the door opened. Sirius' grinning face greeted James.

'Hi mate, come on in,' Sirius said, opening the door wide. Expecting to see some girl in the room, James was shocked to see a sheepishly smiling Remus, sprawled across his bed. His tie appeared to have been flung at his trunk and his shirt was half unbuttoned. Sirius, James noticed, wasn't even wearing a shirt (this wasn't that uncommon though – Sirius liked to flaunt). The drapes around Sirius' bed were closed. James thought there was something quite fishy going on.

'What have you two been up to?' James asked. He didn't miss the look exchanged between Sirius and Remus.

'Just talking.'

'Sleeping.'

Remus and Sirius said at the same time then groaned. James narrowed his eyes.

'Don't lie. What were you really doing?' James demanded and Sirius and Remus exchanged another look.

'Look, mate, we can't tell you yet. I'm sorry, but we're just not ready,' Sirius said apologetically. James growled in annoyance.

'Fine,' he snapped, highly pissed off that they were purposely keeping something from him, 'I'm leaving.'

After giving the pair one last contemptuous glance, James stormed out of the dorm. How dare they? They were supposed to be best friends, yet two of them apparently didn't trust him enough to fill him in. There were only one thing James could think of. They were in a secret, more than friendly relationship. They were together. Meaning they liked each other. Meaning they ... weren't straight. James' jaw fell open in horror. They were... James gulped, not wanting to think it... Gay. Together. And were most likely shagging.

James had a sudden horrific thought. What if they were shagging on his bed? That seemed like just the type of thing Sirius would do. After all, James had caught him and some Ravenclaw girl going at it on his bed and hexed him. It would be the type of thing Sirius would do just to spite him. He resisted the urge to gag. Two of his best friends, shagging on his bed.

'Happy birthday to me,' James muttered to himself sarcastically. What a fantastic birthday surprise.

James jumped up, heading straight back up towards the dormitory, ready to curse them for doing it on his bed. He was about to let himself into the room, but what he heard stopped him in his tracks.

'That's sooo good Sirius!' came Remus' voice.

'Oh yeah Mooney! That's it!' cried Sirius' voice followed by a whole lot of moans and groans.

James backtracked immediately, deciding he'd rather not witness that. He'd curse them later.

Slightly put out and feeling a bit sick, James made his way back down to the common room. He slouched in an armchair, feeling slightly disheartened. Now Remus and Sirius were doing... well, whatever they were doing, he'd be the odd one out. Granted, he still had Peter, but he and Sirius were like brothers. He put his head in his hands and sighed. He wished they'd just tell him straight out.

'Something wrong, Prongs?' came Peter's voice. James glanced up at his short friend, who was looking at him questioningly.

'I've worked it out,' James sighed, 'Sirius and Remus are together. They are shagging. On my bed.'

A strange expression crossed Peter's face, somewhere between amused and sympathetic. He didn't, however, look surprised, which James noted. Peter had definitely known.

'Are you sure mate?' Peter asked, sitting down opposite James. James nodded.

'You should have heard the noises coming from the dorm before. It all makes sense! I can't believe I didn't figure this out earlier. The whole broom closet incident should have tipped me off.'

'Are you sure? It could just be a coincidence,' Peter suggested. James shook his head impatiently.

'They've been spending so much time alone together lately. They've been whispering all the time. And they keep dashing off after class, most probably for a quick shag. There's too many signs for it to just be a coincidence. There's definitely something going on between them,' James thought out loud. Peter shrugged.

'If you think so mate. Maybe you should talk to them about it,' he said.

'But why didn't they tell me? You know,' James said, sounding slightly hurt. Peter looked at him sympathetically, but didn't respond, neither confirming nor denying James' accusation. James took this as confirmation, 'Why'd they tell you and not me?!'

Peter shrugged for the millionth time, 'I have to finish some homework. Talk to you later mate.'

It was in a particularly bad mood that James left the dormitory the next morning. Obviously, he had an excuse for his bad mood. His friends were hiding the fact that they were together from him, Peter had been told about it, his couldn't find his favourite socks and his dormitory was empty. Cursing his friends under his breath (because they were the source of all his problems) he stormed down to the common room and after realising who was down there nearly turned and went back upstairs again.

Remus and Sirius were sitting exceptionally close together on a couch, their heads close together as they worked on some piece of parchment. Sirius laughed at something Remus said and rested a hand on his back. James glared. How had he not noticed this before?

He tried to sneak past without them noticing, but to no avail.

'Prongsy! You weren't trying to sneak past us without saying hello, were you?' Sirius called, gesturing for James to join them. After sighing deeply he half-heartedly went to join them. He scowled as Remus rolled up the piece of parchment and slipped it into his bag.

'Why the long face?' asked Remus, looking closely at James. James frowned at him.

'Why do you think?' James huffed. Remus looked taken aback by his less than friendly attitude.

'What did we do?' asked Sirius, and James forced out a laugh.

'It's not _what _you did, it's _who _you did.'

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look, which James took as a sign that his suspicions were correct. He clenched his fists as he suddenly became very angry.

'What are you talking about, mate? I didn't shag Lily or anything. At least, not that I remember,' Sirius said, looking slightly confused.

James scoffed, 'As if Lily would ever shag you.'

Sirius looked offended and opened his mouth to retort (probably with something about his dashingly good looks) when Remus cut in.

'Now's not the time to argue over who Lily likes more. Who exactly are you talking about?' Remus asked, as always being the sensible one.

'You two!' James exclaimed, and before either of them could interject, he continued, 'Why didn't you tell me?! I know alright!? I figured it out myself! You _know_ I hate people keeping things from me! It's not like I care that much, although it is a bit weird. As long as you don't do it on my bed I'll be fine. But why didn't you tell me?!'

Without waiting for a reply, James stomped his way out of the common room, leaving behind him a very, very confused Sirius and a thoughtful looking Remus.

That afternoon, as James was making his way back to the common room after having sulked in the room of requirement for a while, he encountered Sirius, snogging a girl against a wall. This annoyed James greatly. If Sirius was going to be with Remus, he couldn't continue snogging other girls! He wouldn't have one of his best friends getting hurt. James stormed up to Sirius and pulled him off the girl, who squeaked and ran away at the look on James' face.

'Does Remus know about this?!' James thundered, holding Sirius by the collar. Sirius frowned at James.

'I don't know. I'll tell him later?' Sirius said, unsure as to what James' problem was. James' hold on his collar tightened.

'I don't think Moony would appreciate you snogging girls behind his back!'

'What are you talking about?'

'You know perfectly well what I'm talking about! I thought I told you I _know! _You don't have to play dumb anymore!' James roared, pushing Sirius against the wall. Sirius shrunk away from him.

'Whoa, calm down mate!' he said, putting his hands up in surrender, 'I honestly don't know what you're talking about! Why would Remus care if I'm snogging some girl?'

'I think Remus would care if you were cheating on him!'

Sirius looked at James blankly for quite some time, waiting for James to burst out laughing. When he didn't however, Sirius took on a bemused expression.

'You're kidding... right?' Sirius asked hopefully, but cringed when the serious expression on James' face hardened.

'Do I look like I'm kidding? For the love of god, Sirius, Remus is one of our best friends! You can't be screwing him around like this!'

Sirius' mouth open and closed multiple time, making him look like a goldfish. He then shook his head, as though trying to make sense of everything.

'So, let me get this straight. You think there's something more than friendly going on between Remus and I?' Sirius asked, looking baffled. James nodded.

'I _know _there is! You've been hiding something all week and all evidence points to this! There's no point trying to deny it.'

'James, you're joking right? Seriously – no pun intended – you honestly think there's something going on between us?' James nodded, 'Moony and I?' Again he nodded, 'Mr Asexual and The Sex God himself?' Another nod. Sirius shook his head in disbelief, 'there's something really wrong with you Prongs if you believe that.'

'For the love of god, Padfoot, stop trying to deny it! I heard you two in the dormitory the other day! I know you're shagging!' James exclaimed and Sirius nearly choked on his own spit.

'Shagging?' he choked out, sounding slightly disgusted at the prospect.

'Don't act so disgusted. I know what you were doing in that broom closet the other day aswell.'

Sirius blinked multiple times, apparently unable to comprehend what James was suggesting, 'What are you talking about? We weren't shagging in the broomcloset. We were looking for something. And I have no idea what you heard up in the dormitory, but I can assure you it wasn't us shagging.'

'A likely story,' James said snidely, 'But I don't believe you. Why do you keep whispering in class? Where have you two been disappearing off to lately alone?'

Sirius smacked a hand on his forehead, apparently unable to comprehend the extent of James' stupidity.

'Look, I can't tell you about that yet!'

'That's just it! Even though I know now, you're still trying to hide it! Forget it, Sirius, consider us not speaking.'

With that, James took off down the corridor.

James woke on Saturday morning to see three faces peering down at him. He rubbed his eyes, expecting them to go away, but they did not. Instead they started to sing.

'Happpyyy birthday to yoouuuuuu!' they sang, extremely off tune. James groaned and flapped his hands at them, trying to make them go away. Instead they kept singing, and James was forced to block his ears.

When he was sure they were done, he hesitantly took his hands away and sat up slowly.

'Happy birthday, mate!' exclaimed an excited looking Sirius, as he threw a present at James. James glared at him, as they weren't supposed to be speaking but opened the present all the same. His mouth fell open in shock as he saw the newest racing broom. Unable to speak to Sirius, he instead tackled him in a hug.

Sirius, deciding to have some fun and freak James out, slowly rubbed James' back, getting lower and lower and lower...

'GAHHHH!' cried James pushing a smirking Sirius away, 'Save that for Remus!'

A noise of protest came from Remus' direction, but Sirius winked at him and he shut up.

Once James had opened all his present, he was dragged down to breakfast. He was wished a happy birthday by quite a few people on the way, and was surprised that they knew when his birthday was. Even Dumbledore personally wished that he have an excellent day.

James was getting sick of being confused all the time, and so decided to look over the fact that the majority of the school knew it was his birthday. Even people he'd never spoken to knew. It was as though someone had advertised his birthday or something.

That afternoon, Peter took him up to the dormitory and demanded he play exploding snap with him. Sirius and Remus had again disappeared and James was slightly annoyed that they were still trying to hide their relationship from him on his birthday. After a few rounds of exploding snap, where James lost an eyebrow, Peter suggested they go for a walk.

They made their way downstairs and reached the doors to the grounds. Peter grinned mischeviously and pushed them open.

'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!'

James nearly died from shock. Almost the entire school were congregated on the grounds under a large banner that said, "Happy birthday, James!"

James then realised that that must have been how everyone knew it was his birthday. Someone had organised this party for him.

As though reading his thoughts, a grinning Sirius and Remus appeared in front of him, 'happy birthday mate!' Sirius said loudly, whacking him on the back, and thrusting a piece of cake at him. It was the tastiest cake he'd ever tasted, 'Now do you get it? This is what we've been hiding from you! We've been trying to organise this all week! There's nothing going on between Remus and I, you git!'

James suddenly felt very stupid. Of course, organising a party would make sense! James swore under his breath. Sirius had tried to explain to him the other day and he hadn't believed it! The rest were laughing at him.

'You honestly thought there was something going on between this git and I?' Remus asked, jerking a finger in Sirius' direction, 'Honestly James, I thought you knew me better than that! I don't go for prats like him!'

'Hey!' interjected Sirius, scowling at Remus. Remus just grinned innocently at him. A thought then occurred to James.

'But if you aren't shagging, then what was with the noises you two were making in the dorm the other day?' James asked, thinking back to the slightly disturbing sounds of moaning and groaning. Sirius and Remus both looked puzzled and James imitated the sounds for a moment before realization dawned on Remus.

'We were tasting cakes! I can't believe you thought we were...' Remus trailed off, shaking his dead disbelievingly.

'Well that's what it sounded like, alright?!' James said defensively. Sirius snorted at him.

'You are such a twat,' Sirius sniggered, 'Anyway mate, if I did swing that way, I'd go for someone more like you!' Sirius looked at a disgusted looking James with a mischievous glint in his eye. James started backing away slowly, but he hadn't gotten very far before Sirius launched himself at James and planted a giant, slobbery kiss on his lips. James struggled in his grasp for a moment, his arms flailing before he managed to push him away. He made a disgusted face, wiped his mouth and spat repeatedly on the ground.

'Never, _ever _do that again!' cried James in complete disgust, continuing to spit. Sirius grinned widely as Peter and Remus clutched their sides in laughter. Sirius took a step towards James again, a serious look on his face.

'I just can't resist your amazingly good looks, Prongsy!' exclaimed Sirius dramatically, 'Will you be mine?!'

James gave Sirius another disgusted look before shoving him.

'Bugger off you twat!'

**A/N: This was just a random and completely pointless idea that popped up one day that I felt needed to be written. Not really that fantastic, but I hope you enjoyed it!**


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